When we hear about gender violence, domestic assault, sexual assault, relationship abuse, child abuse, what do we think of? We automatically think "women's issues". Gender issues are synonymous with women's issues. Same as when we hear race, we automatically think African American, or when we hear sexual orientation, we automatically think of gays and lesbians. In any case, the dominant group does not get paid attention. When we hear of gender issues, we automatically think women's issues that some "good" men help out with. First and foremost, I would say these are men's issues! This is how the dominance system maintains and reproduces, the dominant group is rarely challenged. These are characteristics of power and privilege. What is ironic is that men are erased from discussions where the subject is primarily them!
Let's look at an example, this is by Julie Penelope, a linguistics professor and an avid feminist.
John beat Mary.
Mary was beaten by John.
Mary was beaten.
Mary is a battered women.
As we can see in the first two sentences, the focus of the sentence changed from John to Mary and finally in the last sentence, John is completely erased from the picture. Victim blaming is pervasive! We ask questions such as: why was she going there? what was she thinking? what was she wearing at that party? Instead of asking questions about Mary, let's ask questions about John, such as why would he beat Mary? As one can see, our whole language system is set to blame the women and take the focus away from the perpetrator.
Why do so many men sexually abuse little boys and girls? Why is it such a
common problem? Why do so many men rape and take advantage of women? What is
going on with men!!! A bigger question to ask is what is the role of institutions
that are helping produce abusive men? The music industry, the sports culture,
the porn industry, etc. I would argue that this is a deep social issue, we need
to take a look at society and the various institutions that are helping foster
abusive men, we need to start there instead of looking at the women first. We
need to focus on the perpetrator and uncover the motive and we need to foremost
take a good look at how society is set up and its role in creating abusive men.
Why do so many women get bashed when they talk about these issues? because it's a statement to them to "don't rock the boat", basically just sit down and shut up. This is institutionalized, from the earliest of ages women have been abused, raped, assaulted, and sometimes have been treated as less than human, always with less rights than males. I think we need to teach men about leadership qualities, we need more men with the gut and courage to speak up and stand with women instead of speaking against them. This isn't a "battle of the sexes". We need men with enough courage to challenge the author of a sexist joke. Just like if you heard a racist joke, wouldn't you go up to that person and say "hey man, that's not cool, don't say it again"? If we don't say anything, isn't our silence a sign of agreement and consent? We need men who will challenge those who verbally and physically abuse women, once this will happen, the number of domestic violence cases or sexual assault cases will plummet.
Once males who are in power and leadership roles start challenging abusive men, the power of rapists and abusers will diminish. This is also a sign of leadership and responsibility. Leadership issues should rest on the shoulders of adult men with power. There is an awful lot of silence! We owe it to the people we care about deeply, to the young boys and girls in this country and around the world. Caring deeply about these issues is not enough! We need to speak up!
